jillypoet: mom trying to write

Each day I wish I had invented waterproof sticky notes (for shower inspiration) or pen-friendly diapers to get down all my quirky thoughts that I am sure are relevant and publishable. And so God (actually another writer-mommy) sent me The Blog.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Even With Clorox, June Cleaver Has a Tough Time Cleaning the Skeletons From Her Closet: Poetry Gong #8

When mother shook the broom
wrenched that wooden handle
......................................consider dancing with a ragdoll
round and round, sending dust
up into sunbeams pouring down
even the dust bunnies stopped mating.

I mean even the big, hairy Jesus’
crown of thorns, all wrapped up
.......................................like a robe without fabric softener
in a tangled mess dust bunnies.
Second cousin to the brittle balls
of rolling hay weed lumbering

*******************************************************************************
The indented lines, some, came later. I can't decide if they work, but I kind of like how they add another dimension to the poem. Ya think? Yes? No?

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1 Comments:

OpenID maureenpoetryblog said...

i love all these characters. i love all this dancing. i love the last stanza and the indented line "really take a bloody tumble."

i think the indented lines work. they seem like asides/added thoughts as though the narrator is having this conversation in her head and weighing various considerations. nice!

p.s. the comment you left on my blog included these words (may not be exact quote): i had a conversation with jesus in the bathtub. there's another poem there!

11:40 AM  

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