jillypoet: mom trying to write

Each day I wish I had invented waterproof sticky notes (for shower inspiration) or pen-friendly diapers to get down all my quirky thoughts that I am sure are relevant and publishable. And so God (actually another writer-mommy) sent me The Blog.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Poetry Gong #9

Hunting Party Line: The Deer Need to Be Killed

First day of hunting
season. I trail a hunter
through the backlit woods,
yellow leaves fall like snow.
I shoot them straight through
to vein, golden blood flowing
like honey through the chill.

I might have brought the (man nor) beast
who pushed me to these limits,
shooting leaves, fashioning quilts
of their skin, but he is a buck now
and I don’t want to share his rotten
meat with anyone, not even a man
smeared with green black bruises,
disguised as a savior with a rifle.

robed like a savior with a rifle.


I can't decide on the last line. Disguised or robed...

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love the first two lines of the second stanza:

i might have brought the (man nor) beast
who pushed me to these limits

VERY cool.

re: disguised or robed? i agree it's hard to choose b/c they both contribute something. maybe there's a third option hiding somewhere in a thesaurus, i mean, in our very fancy, capable poet brains.

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the repetition of colors in the first stanza: yellow leaves, golden blood, honey.

I love the idea of fashioning a quilt from hunter skin. (I'll cast my vote for disguised, although I agree with Carolee that there may be a wonderful third option out there, too...)

11:29 AM  

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