jillypoet: mom trying to write

Each day I wish I had invented waterproof sticky notes (for shower inspiration) or pen-friendly diapers to get down all my quirky thoughts that I am sure are relevant and publishable. And so God (actually another writer-mommy) sent me The Blog.

Monday, July 14, 2008

You're Not Getting Paid To Love

She doesn’t believe the man in the black robe and top hat when he springs the news. You just don’t find men like that anymore, at least not men brave enough to wear black and grey on a hot spring day. If he had given her the news at midnight, she would have been inclined to sock him, right in the kisser. As it is, it’s broad daylight. The pews are filled with broad-brim hatted women, waving paper fans in front of shiny jowls. That’s an awful lot of hot broads for a May-December wedding. Her lilies of the valley are sweating. Leaving bite-sized beads on her satin pumps. She’ll kiss the other man in black, the man with a tail. Or is it the man in tails? Maybe, maybe he’s the guy with a forked tail her mother warned her about. Either way, she’s not going to bed tonight without a whole lot of cake on her fork. You couldn’t pay her enough to go to bed hungry.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Linda Jacobs said...

This is delicious! The prose format works really well. Fun!

9:36 AM  
Blogger Jenn: said...

"The guy with a forked tail her mother warned her about": fantastic!!

I love this piece.
Even your About Me section reads like poetry.

10:57 AM  
OpenID polkadotwitch said...

i am drawn to the last two sentences: "Either way, she’s not going to bed tonight without a whole lot of cake on her fork. You couldn’t pay her enough to go to bed hungry." it brings a quality of practicality to the narrator and to the subject of marriage, itself. gotta love the practicality of marriage (and brides) ...

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Nathan said...

You could have written this in the first person but this works so much better. You get vivid detail and a larger insight into the bride's character (especially at the end).

2:26 PM  
Blogger SweetTalkingGuy said...

Yeah, the last two sentences really sum it up..

11:37 AM  
Anonymous Dana said...

That last sentence, "You couldn’t pay her enough to go to bed hungry," is fabulous. I love it.

10:02 PM  
Anonymous christine said...

The bride sounds so uncomfortable! You create an intense scenario, with a ripple effect in the imagination.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous one more believer said...

it is interesting to hear the many thoughts going on in a bride's mind.. wedding march to honeymoon...

7:12 PM  
OpenID artpredator said...

i love the whole piece--set-up and follow through. third person is really powerful here as well.

do you know the blog the drunken housewife?

4:17 PM  

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