jillypoet: mom trying to write

Each day I wish I had invented waterproof sticky notes (for shower inspiration) or pen-friendly diapers to get down all my quirky thoughts that I am sure are relevant and publishable. And so God (actually another writer-mommy) sent me The Blog.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Sunless Morning

The snow is white enough
to convince grand sun to take
the day off. Thin green needles
protest. They are not loud enough.
See the clouds? It’s not their fault.
Slick soled sneakers slap
cold pavement. We are not warm.
At school, teenagers drag wool scarves
through black slush. Someone wipes
a runny nose with stiff polar fleece.
Somewhere war continues
in bright sunlight. A picnic kind of day,
a day to write home about.

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OpenID maureenpoetryblog said...

this piece really starts running for me with the last three lines. it's a really powerful image: war in the bright sunlight. a chilling effect. (perfect)

2:24 PM  
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Your personification of snow and sun works so well, and the synaesthesia of "green needles" (awesome vowel sounds by the way) not being "loud enough" is very engaging.

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Anonymous London Accountant said...

Beautiful, really captures the atmosphere so well, you even make 'wiping a runny nose' sound pretty!

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I really like how the lines lead on from each other, it gives it a colloquial tone that works fantastically.

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