jillypoet: mom trying to write

Each day I wish I had invented waterproof sticky notes (for shower inspiration) or pen-friendly diapers to get down all my quirky thoughts that I am sure are relevant and publishable. And so God (actually another writer-mommy) sent me The Blog.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Overheard at the coffee shop: NaPoWriMo #1


Did You Make a Date To Go To the Circus?

The barista (I’ve always wanted a title like that) asks me a simple question, tilting her head, her hair, her eyes. I wonder how she does not fall over from the weight of her question. I am sure I hear her whistle the first few bars of Send in the Clowns. Between the air hissing out of the espresso machine and the mocha java mist spraying from her tuneless lips, I am sure, I know, I heard her say, Did you make a date to join the circus? How did she know? I thought this was Professor Java’s, not Madame Olga’s. I stopped riding bare backs of horses long ago. Stopped bowing to high-hatted men bearing whips way before my hips gave in to child bearing. With my tattoos lasered off, my slightly arched, solidly respectable suburban eyebrows lasered on, I was sure I passed for wifely. At the very least, with my sequins hidden beneath nubby fleece, I could be assumed mother. It has to be the tightrope. I have hauled myself up onto that thin slice of wild so many times there are wires thin as spider webs rooted in my soles. Tomorrow I will leave the net at home.



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A prose poem for Read. Write. Poem. Based on something I overheard, incorrectly. I'm not sure if I have mastered the prose poem form, but it's a start. The poem cam eout not as I had planned, but more stream-of-consciousness style. Comment/critique welcome! I'd like to do more with this one...whatever that may be!

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17 Comments:

Blogger paisley said...

i am left wondering what the heck she did say......

i think stream of consciousness was perfect for this setting....

11:04 PM  
Blogger January said...

Ahhh, NaPoWriMo.

Love this phrase, "hauled myself up onto that thin slice of wild so many times ..."

11:35 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

That worked for me. You do the prose poem just fine, I'd say.

12:20 AM  
Blogger Jan Doble said...

i haven't written a prose poem either...perhaps i'll give it a try.
*I need help linkin my poem to the readwritepoem website for the NaPoWriMo challenge. Since you are online, can you tell me how to link my poem? thanks! jan(i'm on my 'moods and metaphors' blog)--i have three.

12:28 AM  
Blogger Jan Doble said...

i should give you my email address; i already sent an email to the website but noone has gotten back with me.

12:50 AM  
Blogger Crafty Green Poet said...

I often overhear things wrongly. I like where you took this one...

3:06 AM  
Blogger Jo said...

Well at the risk of gushing like that coffee machine, BRILLIANT. I so loved this.

3:39 AM  
Blogger chicklegirl said...

Wow, slam dunk for your first time in the prose poem court. I forgot to eavesdrop this week, but this poem makes me wish I had made time to hear something wrong myself. I absolutely loved the last line.

10:56 AM  
Blogger gautami tripathy said...

It is a prose poem alright!

last journey

11:36 AM  
Blogger Mariacristina said...

I love how you turned a snippet of conversation into a woman actually being re-discovered as a circus performer. Your imagination always delights and entertains.

I love these lines:
I have hauled myself up onto that thin slice of wild so many times there are wires thin as spider webs rooted in my soles.

Very fun read.

5:57 PM  
Blogger OneMoreBeliever said...

really enjoyed it... and those last few lines... I have hauled myself up onto that thin slice of wild so many times there are wires thin as spider webs rooted in my soles. Tomorrow I will leave the net at home.... those brought it home for me... best 30 days to you

7:26 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Wonderful read Jill...I am glad that I've come across your slice of the blogosphere. The contradictory images of "wild woman" and "suburban mom/wife" came through beautifully...

I look forward to reading more..

Eric
Eric's Corner

10:10 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

Very cool. I'm with January--that "thin slice of wild" just made it for me!

11:59 PM  
Blogger sister AE said...

I like this. I didn't know what was coming next. And no one would mistake it for normal prose. You painted some sharp images in a very small space. Nicely done!

12:02 AM  
Blogger Jan Doble said...

your prose poem really speaks! i love the balance between the two extremes. thanks for your comment...i (may) have figured out what to do...i went to the comments RSS feed on readwritepoem, and just left a message there, which adds a link to my name, bringing you to my site; although, it won't bring you to my specific poem :-( i still don't know how to do that part. i am just numbering them so anyone who happens to look at my site (unlikely :-/ though) will be able to see them. i've viewed your site long before i started participating with readwritepoem; in fact, i think your site is what led me to readwritepoem in the 1st place. it kind of opened up a new window for me, since i've let this part of my life slip away.thanks again!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Fantastic piece. I especially love the line: "With my tattoos lasered off, my slightly arched, solidly respectable suburban eyebrows lasered on, I was sure I passed for wifely."

1:48 PM  
Blogger Allyson said...

I think you're going to do well this month! This is an excellent prose poem. I can't seem to write them, but I know when I like them. Hopefully, I'll get a RWP prose poem in sometime this week.

2:22 PM  

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