jillypoet: mom trying to write

Each day I wish I had invented waterproof sticky notes (for shower inspiration) or pen-friendly diapers to get down all my quirky thoughts that I am sure are relevant and publishable. And so God (actually another writer-mommy) sent me The Blog.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

confession tuesday

It's Tuesday. It's time. It's all the truth and nothing more. Keep in mind I was the lone Methodist kid at Catholic summer camp who always did the sign of the cross backwards before she took communion. A double whammy--a methodist taking Catholic communion and a backward cross. If anyone had really been paying attention, they would've shipped me back to First United so fast my head would've spun (another religious no-no, at least in the movies...)

Here's what I confess to this week...

1. I just cajoled my sweet, sweet two-year-old off my lap so I could write. Off. My. Lap. And she is so sweet. So cute. Well, why not start confession with the kid guilt. Why not.

2. Not so much a confession as a curiosity. I have had some good publishing news in the past month or so and have kept it to myself. No book or anything, but good news as in, for instance, yesterday I received a Yes! letter! One of my poems is going to be in Thema, Sept. 08. And, even more cool, I got a $10 check! Made out to me! Aside from winning $250 in a Poet magazine contest in undergrad, I've never earned any money from my poetry!

3. I have a love hate relationship with money. Why, once, I was a featured reader in a local writer's guild series and I never collected my $50. I still have $1000 beans coming from a stint teaching poetry through arts & ed. And there are also the wayward parents of art students who haven't paid me over the years. I suppose I could chalk it up to being nice. More likely, it's finacially unsavvy. Check for me on the nearest corner in a cardboard box about 60 or 70 years from now. I'll be the old poet lady with no retirement fund, still wearing her Old Navy jeans and Gap sweater from 2008.

4. I am a thinker, not a do-er. I am a self-help failure. I have been reading Julia Cameron. She always, always reminds us to do morning pages. I always, always forget. I forget to breathe. Well, deep & cleansing. The day-to-day breathe to live I've got down pretty well. Although, once in a while I forget that, too. I have books on prayer. I forget to do that. Books on meditation. Can't manage that. I desperately want to be calm and centered, but I keep forgetting that I want it. So, I fumble along. The flaky art teacher. Funny, a lot of the parents who bring their kids to my art studio think I am easy-going. And I am, really. I just want more. More calm. More peace. I want to exude Buddha. Buddha stream from my pores.

5. Here's a non-sequitor--Every time I eat, my stomach hurts.

6. Re: #4, everytime I tell someone I will pray for them, I feel like a phony. Not that I don't pray, just that I feel like my prayers are weak. I sometimes wonder, when the pastor talks about God loving us all and wanting the best for us, if he means me, too.

7. So far, I have had a lot of religion themed confessions. Maybe I should print all of these confessions, start a folder (I am a compulsive printer/make a folder kind of girl)and do some writing. Well, as I am a self-proclaimed thinker, we shall see how far I get.

8. I need a life coach.

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6 Comments:

Blogger PDW said...

congrats on thema! which topic? and you must tell, where will you spend your $10?

and i also want things and forget i want them even though i really really do. or i forget to make the effort to get them.

speaking of buddha, i think buddhism says it's counterproductive to seek seek seek and want want want. i think we're just supposed to recognize what is already inside us ... hmmm. or ommmmm.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Mariacristina said...

Yay! Good publishing news.

You're a good sort - you pray. I went and announced to the world today that I'm not a Christian! This from a woman who teaches yoga at the Y (MCA).

I'm a good person, just not into dogma.

Forget to breathe? No way! Just read your poems out loud, then you'll breathe and work on your art at the same time.

How precious to have a two-year old in your life. Little dumpling! Please write a poem about how you manage to write and keep her on your lap!

10:03 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

Congratulations on your poem! WooHoo!

Anne Lamott says there are really only two prayers: One is "Please, please, please," and the other is "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Peace. Ommmmm.

11:01 PM  
Blogger Goodnight, Mom said...

Congratulations on your poetry! What poem did you publish? I have the same relationship with money. It drives my husband crazy.

Oh, don't feel guilty about putting your child down. I'm sure she'll be JUST fine! :)

And starting out with kid guilt? We Catholics must have rubbed off on you!!

11:31 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

WTG on the publishing news. I can relate to much of this....the moving of kids, the flakiness, the thinking not doing. Like Christine though, I'm not a Christian but I'm buying into Pepek's line :)

Nice post. I've been reading various peoples for a couple of weeks, trying to muster up the courage.

3:24 PM  
Anonymous order paper said...

Very interesting post! Thanks.

5:55 AM  

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