jillypoet: mom trying to write

Each day I wish I had invented waterproof sticky notes (for shower inspiration) or pen-friendly diapers to get down all my quirky thoughts that I am sure are relevant and publishable. And so God (actually another writer-mommy) sent me The Blog.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

NaPoWriMo #6: Moving Right Along!

After the Race: Every Superhero Runs Fast

The boy will run like Flash Gordon.
He has been told to visualize
the long hall
he races up and down every morning.
He has been told to imagine chasing droids.
Be the Death Star.
Be the Millennium Falcon.
Don’t chew on your shoes.
Pull your tongues out.
Yank your Velcro tighter.
The boy has lined up,
stood with the fleet-footed herd.
He has waited,
watched the grown men
chase their rabbits.
He has jogged in place,
done the hockey player stretch,
the soccer switchback,
the marathoner lunges.
The boy has been told stories
of star runners
spitting over their shoulders
chasing off the competition.
The boy has been told
not to spit, even as a big boy
barrels by dripping white foam.
Does Superman lean into a running leap
before he takes flight?
Does Spiderman shake it out
before he slings a web?
The boy has been told
to do his best,
run for his life,
pretend he is racing to save someone.
At the finish line he breaks
through the rainbow ribbons,
chest ripped open,
pulsing red muscle held in front of him.
The boy has run his heart out.


Since this is NaPoWriMo, and these are supposed to be drafts, let me ask a question... should the first line read:

The boy has run like Flash Gordon
The boy can run like Flash Gordon
The boy will run like Flash Gordon
The boy runs like Flash Gordon
The boy runs and he is Flash Gordon

I just can't decide. I had "has run" but then I thought it didn't flow. The last line reads "The boy has run his heart out," so maybe "The boy has run like Flash Gordon" works.

Labels: ,


Blogger distracted by shiny objects said...

Very moving, no pun intended. I'm sure you've been told this, but children grow up so fast. Much faster than your heart can let go of their childness.
The Adrianne Rich poem I found on the PBS website--


and from her book, Dark Fields of the Republic

listening to her reading the poem and can imagine her responding to you in that gravelly voice. There's a poem for you...!

really enjoy reading your take on life. Enjoy the day!

1:27 PM  
Blogger PDW said...

i like "will run" -- it tells us what's about to happen. but i like that first line (with "will run") as the title. maybe.

yes. b/c i like the mention of superheroes without calling them superheroes.

i'm even thinking about taking "superhero" out of my title because of the inclination.

funny we both did superman today. somebody's gotta save us. :)

5:28 PM  
Blogger paisley said...

love love love love loved it.. and i am happy with the tense the way it is.....

7:50 PM  
Blogger jillypoet said...

So...PDW, "The Boy Will Run Like Flash Gordon" as the title, "He has been told to visualize" as the first line?

Hmm... anyone else?

8:22 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

I like "will run." Nice poem. We will, ourselves, make it to the finish line, break through the ribbons with out beating hearts ahead of us, on the 30th of April...won't we? It's only the 6th, and I'm already out of breath.

11:21 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

ooops. With OUR beating hearts, not with out beating hearts. We'd NEVER make it without beating hearts!

11:24 PM  
Blogger pepektheassassin said...

You know, though, I really like PDW's idea! I think it works!

11:28 PM  
Blogger Jo said...

Yep, I liked this too, though I would have 'the boy runs like', just to be different (grin).

5:20 PM  
Blogger January said...

I like to use present tense whenever possible. So I like "runs," which bookends the beginning and end of the poem. This is a keeper.

Great photos of your superhero! My son would love this poem, just for the Superman and Spider-Man references. (Spider-man is hyphenated, BTW.)

So how's the book coming along?

1:33 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home